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All I ever wanted in my life as child was just some delicious Eggo Waffles, but my moms insisted we never had them in the house because we were a “paleo” family. Meaning we didn’t eat anything our Paleo ancestors didn’t eat because supposedly they lived healthier lives than humans do in our current time.
The Paleo diet had strong implications towards my health in the negative direction. While my moms joyously concocted paleo friendly breakfasts using all sorts of non-wheat based flours, I steeped in resentment and anger due to the fact that I was being deprived of the Eggo Waffles I asked for over and over again
Even though I was only 5 years old at the time, I knew I need to get some Eggo waffles in me otherwise I was going to do something dangerous
First, I had to figure out where the Eggos came from. I knew where food came from because my moms would take me to this place called Whole Foods and we picked the food we wanted to eat from there.
I surmised that there might Eggo waffles there, but how could I get them without my moms being privy? Then, I realized something…Whole Foods had the same logo plastered all over the walls as our Amazon Alexa.
Shit…I could just wait till my moms goes to sleep then I can tell Alexa to send me some Eggo Waffles…I had seen my moms ask Alexa to deliver Lara Bars and two days later they showed up on our doorstep like magic. I decided I would order the Eggos and wait outside all day two days later until they showed up and then I would eat them quickly or hide them.
So, that night after my moms tucked me in and kissed me goodnight, I waited up until I heard the sound of the TV fade away. I snuck downstairs and whispered to Alexa to order some Eggo Waffles Cinnamon Sugar Variety. Oh no….I cringed, I had forgotten to turn Alexa’s volume all the way down and my moms was bumping to Diplo earlier. Alexa replied to my request “What’s that? I didn’t quite catch that?” At a volume so loud the neighbors probably heard it.
My moms came downstairs and asked what on Earth I was doing. Of course, I couldn’t tell her about my Eggo Waffle longing so I made up an excuse that she believed…Back to bed for me…I really need to get some Eggo waffles in me before I lose my mind.